


If I were your woman

by panickyintheuk



Category: Marvel 3490, Marvel 616, The Avengers - All Fandoms
Genre: F/M, Kid Fic, M/M, Multi, Original Character(s), Tony/Coffee OTP
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-22
Updated: 2012-01-22
Packaged: 2017-10-29 22:49:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/325037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panickyintheuk/pseuds/panickyintheuk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony switches places with Natasha, due to an experiment of Reed's gone awry (or so he says. Personally I suspect he was up to something).</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I were your woman

**Author's Note:**

> Written for cap_ironman bingo, prompt #2 on the masterlist. I'm not 100% on my 616 canon, so apologies for anything that doesn't fit. This was my first completed work for this fandom, and the first one I'm sharing with the world. I hope you enjoy!

Tony had voluntarily exiled himself to the workshop, away from prying eyes and Peter’s _hilarious_ commentary on the situation, except that Steve had had to accompany him because he didn’t have the access codes, and now the man _would not leave_. He just kept leaning up against the wall with a funny little smile on his face.

“You don’t have to stick around, you know,” Tony said eventually. “You can just leave me to my own devices down here. I promise I won’t break anything or steal anything, or... I’m honestly not evil. I mean, I have my moments, but... don’t let me inconvenience you.”

“What kind of host would I be if I just let you amuse yourself?” said Steve. “And _anyway_ , it’s not every day you get to see what your wife would look like if one of her chromosomes lost a leg.” He raked his eyes over Tony’s body. “You... said it’d take a few hours before Reed got this sorted out?”

“Yeah, he said this might happen, he can reverse it, but it needs time to -” he was cut off by the sight of Steve stalking towards him determinedly. “Um.”

“Well. Let’s make the most of it,” Steve said, with a grin Tony wasn’t sure he’d ever seen on that face before.

“Whoa. Are you sure _you’re_ not evil?”

Steve faltered, stopping a foot away from Tony with a small frown. “Evil? Nat won’t mind, trust me.”

Tony thought about this for a second. If he had still been dating Pepper or Rumiko when this had happened, would he have minded if “Nat” fooled around with them? No, he decided, and not just because it sounded hot. It would be natural to take advantage of the opportunity to experiment, right? And it wouldn’t be cheating, not really. Would he mind if she were fooling around with Steve right now? _Ouch_ , he realised, _yes_. It was all very well as long as he’d got there first, but the idea of never being more than second best after Steve had seen what he was missing... he really, really hoped that it wasn’t happening. _His_ Steve wouldn’t proposition a married woman, even if she _were_ essentially married to _him_ , Tony was sure. He was taken aback that _this_ Steve was trying to proposition _him_. That was all kinds of crazy.

“No,” Tony agreed eventually. “But... it just wouldn’t feel right.”

“I’m sure your Steve wouldn’t mind either,” Steve offered. “I mean, I wouldn’t think anything of it. It’s not  _cheating_. ”

“It wouldn’t be _cheating_ anyway,” Tony said.

“Oh. Wait. You’re not... together?”

"No,” said Tony patiently.

“Oh.” Steve looked perturbed. “I... huh. That sucks. But we’re friends, right?”

“The best,” said Tony reassuringly.

 “Figures. I can’t imagine a universe where I didn’t... I guess you were already with Pepper or Rhodey or someone, when I came along?” He folded his arms and looked away, frowning. He looked almost _sad_.

 “Uh, no, Steve, but you’re not _gay_.”

 “Well, no, obviously,” said Steve, “but I find _you_ attractive.”

 “Because I remind you of your _wife_ ,” Tony said incredulously, “who doesn’t _exist_ where I come from.”

 Steve laughed. “Please, I don’t base my attraction to people on whether or not they remind me of my wife. For one thing, nobody comes close, and for another, I’m pretty sure it doesn’t work like that. You don’t just find men attractive because they remind you of women you find attractive.”

 “Wait,” Tony said, “wait. Steve. Are you... _bisexual_?”

 “Well,” Steve said, going a really interesting colour, “I’ve never. I mean. I wouldn’t necessarily say that. In so many words. But.”

 “Steve. Steve. This is important. Spit it out.”

 “Well. Then. I guess so.”

 Wow. Okay, so in this universe Tony was a chick, so this didn’t _necessarily_ mean anything, but... wow, right? He grinned. “Tell me how you guys got together,” he said. Steve looked down bashfully.

 “Well, I guess I fell in love with Iron Woman first, but I didn’t really realise it at the time. And I never thought I’d have a chance with Nat.”

 “What? Why not?”

 “Well, I mean, I was just a poor kid from Brooklyn. Even with the serum it’s not like I was anything so special, by the time I woke up, with all the metahumans who’d popped up by that time and everything. And she was this rich, beautiful genius, I thought if she ever wanted me it would just be as a trophy, you know, because I was famous.”

 Tony scowled. Apparently even here in Happyland, where everything was better because he didn’t have a dick, he was still a terrible wife who made his husband feel insecure. If he could make _Steve_ feel bad about himself he must be an absolute _nightmare_. “Steve, for God’s sake, even if you weren’t the peak of physical perfection, which you are, you’ve still got the most integrity and courage of anyone I’ve ever known. When I first met you, I admit, I was distracted by the legend, but then I got to know you, and you’re warm and goofy and you appreciate my sense of humor which is a pretty rare quality, if you can call it that, and I thought you were going to be a stick but you’re actually so much fun. And I’d be totally adrift without you, Steve. And if I didn’t know that by instinct, there are plenty of people back home who can vouch for that fact, believe me.”

 Steve had moved forward again, was smiling down at Tony, cupping his cheek. “You always say something like that,” he said, pressing their foreheads together. He obviously still wanted to kiss Tony, and it was getting harder and harder to deny him.

 “Okay. Carry on with the story,” Tony said, a little lower than intended. Steve moved back, with some reluctance. It was a little gratifying, Tony had to admit.

 “Well, one time, we were fighting Molecule Man and he, um.” Steve looked vaguely embarrassed.

“Made the suit disappear?”

“Yes. And all she was wearing underneath it was red lingerie! And she was just standing there casually, like it was no big deal. I didn’t know where to look, and all I could think about was how Iron Woman had been practically naked under the suit the whole time, and I just had to carry on as normal. Anyway, when I found out they were the same person, something clicked, I guess.”

“So you asked her out?”

 “No, actually. I didn’t want anything... casual. And she didn’t seem like the type to settle down. I didn’t want it to blow up and jeopardise the team, so I kept my mouth shut. It was horrible, it drove me crazy. Thank God she finally made the first move, in the end. I was still worried it would be a mistake, but I couldn’t say no. And the rest is history, I guess.” He smiled serenely, like anything was ever that simple.

 “So you got together and got married and lived happily ever after and you love each other and everything’s fine?”

 “Uh... well, yeah, pretty much. I mean every marriage has its ups and downs, but...”

 “She makes you happy?”

 Steve smiled shyly at the floor. “Yeah.”

  _“ How? ”_

 Steve looked at him sharply - he seemed like he was about to defend his wife’s honor, possibly with his fists - but then he obviously thought about it again and gave Tony a compassionate look.

 “I mean, if she’s anything like me, which she supposedly is, she’s spoiled and unreliable and a recovering alcoholic, she has no concept of normal circadian rhythms, she’s stubborn and an ass - “

 “She’s not _spoiled_. By an accident of birth she had money, which she’s held onto partly because she’s _brilliant_ , and used to fund not only the Avengers but also several hospitals and schools and art galleries and other things, and she’s dedicated most of her adult life to being useful to society. She’s reliably selfless and driven, she’s dealt admirably and responsibly with her drinking problem, I don’t care when she sleeps as long as she _does_ sleep, I love the fact she’s stubborn, and she is not an _ass_ ,” Steve reeled off.

 Tony curled his arms around himself. She sounded nice. She probably took after their mother. Steve slung an arm around his shoulders comfortingly. “Come on,” he said, “I’ll show you some pictures. Don’t worry about Peter, I’ll send him on an errand if he bugs you. And then there’s someone I want you to meet.”

 

***

 

“You got married in costume?” was the first thing Tony said when he saw the wedding picture. And then, more quietly, “Do you think you could make a copy of this before I leave?” - he was being ridiculous. He knew that. But Steve - Steve in the picture - had an expression of such intensity, even underneath the cowl. His eyes were squeezed closed (“I kind of had a tear in my eye there,” Steve confirmed), and the way he was cradling her, like she was so precious - well, it wouldn’t hurt, to take a memento from his trip to another dimension, right?

 “We have a smaller one you can have,” Steve said, walking over to the bookshelf to search for it. “We can always make copies. Anyway, it’s my phone’s wallpaper.” He handed Tony the smaller frame. Tony took out the photo and placed it carefully into his jacket’s inside pocket. He tried not to think about it too hard. Then Steve put a finger to his lips and beckoned Tony to follow him. He led him to the doorway of the library and pointed at the tiny figure in the huge leather chair that always used to be Steve’s. She looked unreasonably small, but she had such self-possession, she couldn’t have been any younger than eight, surely? Not than Tony was an expert on kids or anything.

 “How old is she?” he whispered.

 “Ten.”

 “ _Ten?!_ ”

 “She’s small for her age, she gets that from me,” Steve said, and Tony squinted at him. He rolled his eyes. “The effects of the serum aren’t hereditary.”

 “But she’s... healthy, right?”

 “Yes,” said Steve, exasperated. “I wasn’t _that_ bad, you know. And I grew up poor during the Depression, which she didn’t, so quit worrying.” He raised his voice. “Maggie.” The girl looked up, and Steve ushered Tony into the room. “This is Tony, he’s what your mom would look like if she’d been a guy.”

 Maggie looked worried. “She’s not stuck like that, is she?”

 “No.”

 “Mr. Richards?”

 “Got it in one,” said Steve, with a conspiratorial grin.

 “It’s nice to meet you, Maggie,” said Tony.

 “Oh, I get it,” said the kid. “This is an alternate universe version of mom. Sorry, Tony. Uh, Mr. Stark, I guess. I thought mom was still in there. I guess I wasn’t thinking,” and she broke out into a huge self-deprecating smile, the absolute mirror image of Steve’s. Tony’s breath caught a little. Her eyes were a bluish-gray and her hair was mid-brown. He’d always thought that if Steve had kids they’d be huge cherubic boys or statuesque Amazonian girls (and on some level he must have assumed that Sharon would be the mother, but he’d never consciously examined the idea). This kid, though, was something else. He couldn’t imagine a more perfect child.

 “So,” he said, “when I was your age I was all about math, and dinosaurs and robots, but your dad was an artist. What are you into?”

 The little girl shrugged.

 “She’s good at everything,” said Steve.

 “Am not. I suck at sports, to start with. I like history and art and science and English and music though.”

 “A Renaissance woman, huh?”

 Maggie made a face. “I mostly get good grades but it’s not hard or anything.”

 “She’s very smart,” Steve said firmly, “which is all you. She’s great at music, especially. Show Tony.”

 “Dad, I’m not like a performing _monkey_ ,” said Maggie, without heat.

 “You don’t suck at sports, either. You like tennis, and your teacher said you were great at climbing the rope,” Steve said, ignoring her.

 “Climbing the rope isn’t a sport.”

“Play Tony something on the piano.”

Maggie’s mouth quirked up a little at the side. Tony got the feeling that she’d wanted to from the start, but hadn’t wanted to seem like she was showing off, and Steve must have picked up on that. She walked over to the piano (their library had a _piano_ , he should have thought of that, people loved messing around with pianos) and fussed with a few pieces of sheet music before sitting down and launching into a rendition of ‘Putting on the Ritz’. She wasn’t note-perfect or anything, but she was pretty good, and she really looked like she was having fun. Steve was watching her with an expression of total adoration. _Of course_ Steve would be a great father. But what about Nat? Tony had pretty conclusively decided against kids after he inherited his father’s drinking problem, and their line of work wasn’t exactly the safest. But he trusted Steve to have made sure everything was okay, that she was secure and provided for. She seemed like a happy kid, right? She finished her song, and Steve wandered over to her and kissed her on the forehead.

“I’m going to go and make Tony a coffee,” he said. Tony opened his mouth to say he didn’t need to, but Steve gave him a pointed look. “You keep him company for a couple minutes, okay? Then we’ll let you get back to your book. Your mom will be home soon.” Ah. He wanted to give Tony a chance to get to know her, in private. He would have felt better if Steve had come up with an excuse that didn’t make him seem henpecked, but _his_ Steve was in the habit of bringing him coffee in his workshop, after all. And he wouldn’t say no to coffee, now it had been mentioned.

He perched on the sofa, a little awkwardly, and Maggie settled back into the gigantic armchair. Tony peered at the cover of her book - ‘The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy’. He grinned. “I love that book!”

“Yeah, mom used to read it to me all the time. She likes Marvin, and Zaphod. Dad likes Arthur.”

“Figures. Who do you like?”

“I used to like Trillian but then I read the others and now I like Fenchurch better, but she’s still okay, and I like the whale.”

“So, um. Your mom and dad argue much?”

She looked at him blankly. “You’re not a social worker disguised as a male version of my mom, are you? Because that would be really weird.”

“I’m just curious. Uh, in my universe, Steve and I are just friends, so.” Was this really inappropriate? He definitely shouldn’t be allowed around children unattended.

“They argue sometimes. Usually they end up kissing but one time mom threw a piece of her birthday cake in dad’s face, but they were both laughing so it was fine. And sometimes they wrestle for the remote, which is stupid because we have more than one TV? I dunno, married people do weird stuff like that.”

Tony wrestled with the inclination to ask her about registration. That couldn’t have been completely painless, could it? But he wasn’t sure he wanted to go there. “What about... ever about politics?” he said at last.

Maggie rolled her eyes. “Oh yeah, constantly, we’re all used to that.”

Tony smiled. Some things didn’t change, apparently. “You get on with your mom?”

“Sure. When she’s not working.”

“She work too hard?”

“Um. Sometimes she loses track of time. But she lets me hang out with her in her workshop sometimes now, so that’s fun.”

That didn’t sound _too_ bad. “And you said she reads to you and stuff, right?”

“Well, I don’t really need anyone to read to me now. But she still does sometimes. And we go to the park and the aquarium and to art galleries, and one time to the zoo but I don’t like how the animals are all in cages.”

“She’s a vegetarian,” Steve said from the doorway. Maggie stuck her chin out.

“We went to the doctor and there’s nothing wrong with my iron levels and I take vegetarian omega supplements and I will not take fish oils.”

“Um,” said Tony.

“There was some concern,” said Steve, “about her health. But we have explained to mom that there is nothing to worry about, haven’t we?” Maggie nodded.

“I’m sure she responded extremely graciously,” said Tony with dignity, and Steve laughed.

“Of course she did. Thanks Maggie, we’ll give you some peace now.”

“Okay, nice to meet you, Mr. Stark,” said Maggie sedately. Of course, she would see her mom later, but Tony would probably never see Maggie again. Christ.

“It was a real pleasure to meet you, Maggie,” he said, and left the room before he had too much of a chance to dwell on it. Steve handed him his coffee.

“I’ll give you a picture of her, too,” he said.

“She’s a great kid,” Tony said, and cleared his throat when it came out kind of scratchy.

“Nat’s an amazing mother,” said Steve. “Maggie’s at that age where there can start to be a bit of tension, but they’re really incredibly close.”

“She doesn’t spend all her time in the lab?”

“No,” said Steve, “every so often she has to work later than she’d like, but not all the time. Did Maggie say that?”

“Not exactly.”

“It’s just that she’s not used to it. Nat took some time off work when Maggie was younger, and then I did. Now we’re both starting to get back into the swing, and she has to readjust.”

“What if something happens?”

“We’re careful. We don’t go on dangerous missions together unless not going would be even more dangerous. We’re very responsible, I promise,” he says, a little mockingly.

Tony rolled his eyes and drained the rest of his coffee. “Just checking. I mean, I’m the parenting expert, after all.” Steve grinned at him, and then there was a weird staticky sound and Reed’s voice came out of somewhere indefinable.

“Two minute warning,” said the voice. “Finish up with whatever you’re doing, we’re about to make the switch.”

“Jesus,” said Tony into the ether, “what’s the hurry?” He turned to Steve, who was rooting through his wallet. “Listen, Steve. You’ve been amazing. This was an unexpectedly good day. And I’m still not totally sure why being married to my female counterpart makes you happy but if it really does I am so pleased for you, you deserve it. And your kid is incredible, and - “ Steve was holding something out to him. It was a wallet-sized photo of Maggie. Tony put it in his pocket next to the wedding one, and swallowed.

 “Tony,” said Steve - he pronounced it carefully, like the name of a new gadget. “Give it a try. You could make him this happy. There’s a chance. Now kiss me, just once, before you leave, okay? I want to know what the beard feels like.”

 It was impossible to say no to, really. Tony leaned in and Steve gathered him up. It was odd, the first kiss for Tony and the thousandth for Steve, a battle between novelty and familiarity. Suddenly, Tony stumbled. Steve had been taking his weight, and now he was gone.

 

***

 

It was Steve’s arm that steadied him as he fell - _his_ Steve. He had to remind himself sharply that he had not just been kissing _his_ Steve. He righted himself, smiled at Steve a little awkwardly, brushed off his jacket. Reed Richards was looking extremely pleased with himself. _Why?_

 “Well, that was certainly illuminating,” Reed said cheerfully, and Steve gave him a look.

 “Okay,” said Tony, “thanks for that, Reed. Hope you got what you needed out of that experiment. Steve and I need to go now. Right, Steve?” Steve nodded.

On the way home, Tony tried calling Steve “hubby” and elbowing him in the ribs, testing his reaction. He seemed a little tense. He decided to stop with the jokes, and instead showed him the pictures. Steve stared at the wedding photo for a really long time, and reached out as if to touch it, then jerked his hand back. Then Tony pulled out the one of Maggie. It was a school picture, and had to be at least six months old - her hair was a lot shorter and her cheeks a little rounder. It was a great picture, though. She was smiling that smile and her eyes were big and wide and deep. Steve grabbed it and held it close to his face, like he was trying to crack its code.

 “Oh my God,” he said. “Oh my God.”

 “She’s amazing, Steve, she’s just like you. She’s so sweet, and she’s super-bright, and just a little sharp sometimes. Oh, and you can tell she lives with Spider-Man.”

 “I mean,” said Steve, “she told me she had a daughter, but she didn’t have a picture with her. Wow. Maggie. I like that name.”

 “Yeah, I bet you chose it. I mean, I like it, but I don’t think it’s the kind of name that I would think of.”

 Steve handed the picture back to Tony, staring searchingly at him, before the car drew to a stop. They were home. “Thanks Ha - um, thanks,” Tony said to the driver. “Steve, let’s go to the workshop, okay?” Steve nodded.

 “So,” Tony said, when they got there. “Was she... nice?”

 “Of course. Well, ‘nice’. She was great.”

 “Did you...”

 “No!” Steve blushed. “Oh. Well. Unless you mean... I did kiss her. She kissed me. We kissed.”

 Tony grinned. They were even, then. “Me too.”

 Steve stared at him, eyes wide. If his jaw weren’t so square it would probably be dropping. “Did you... I mean, I didn’t know you would want to do that.”

 Tony smiled and took a step forward. He wasn’t sure exactly what to say, to that, and he wasn’t really interested in talking any more, right now. He tried to get his expression to say it all for him. Finally, finally, Steve surged forward and kissed him. This time it was new, with his Steve. He’d felt a little awkward, before, with the other one; not on solid ground; but now it was exactly right, the right amount of nervousness and pent-up energy and the history between them, different.

 “Mm,” said Steve, pulling just far enough away to talk, “I like it a lot better with the beard. Tony. She said she was in love with him.”

 “That’s right,” Tony said contentedly, stroking Steve’s hair. “He said she made him happy.”

 Steve buried his face in Tony’s neck. “She does. He is. And he loves her. He has for years. Nothing could make him happier. Tony. I never thought I could have this.”

 Tony rubbed comforting circles on his back. “It’s okay. We’ve got all the time in the world.” Steve’s arms tightened around him. “Hey, Steve. Steve. Do you think I should buy us a piano?”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if there are any glaring errors, incidences of British spelling, etc.


End file.
